I’m writing to you from Oaxaca, Mexico, where I am co-living and co-working with a group of other (COVID tested) digital nomad types for a whole month. It is a significant step towards creating the type of life that I think is worth living. One filled with rich community, meaningful conversations, and new experiences. I’ve realized since being here that one thing COVID has done is instill a belief that new people and new relationships are to be feared. There is absolutely truth to the gravity of this disease, and I take my global responsibility seriously, but I can also start to feel some of the positive electric charge of life return as I loosen the grip that fear has on me. I have started intentionally creating space for the human connection that we are all built for, and many without families or partners in the home have been starved of over the past year. If you’ve read any other parts of this blog, you’ll know I’m coming out of a difficult season of life, but I choose to believe that a vibrant life full of joy and love is within reach, for me, and for you.
This might seem like a far off reality for some, it certainly can still feel that way for me sometimes. Life is full of suffering, it’s true. The Bhuddists say suffering comes from expectations, and you certainly can reduce suffering by letting go of your rigid plan of how life was supposed to go… at least to a point. If you’re fuming from watching the other grocery store line move at a breakneck pace, while the queue you’ve committed yourself to stands idly behind a frugal shopper scanning coupon after meticulously curated coupon, it might do some good to take a deep breath and acknowledge how less angry you’d be if both lines were moving equally slowly. If you’re a real pro, you can just do backstrokes through the experience of existing in the grocery store. Soak in the sounds and people around you without thinking happiness lies on the other side of the supermarket exit sign.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” — Viktor Frankl
Suffering comes in different sizes though. Industries collapse leaving thousands of people without jobs to provide for themselves. Marriages fall apart as a result of stress, illness, and infidelity. Sometimes you can adjust expectations and get on board with the new version of life that the cruel mistress of destiny has slapped in your lap. Unfortunately though, there are events for which I don’t find these tricks to be so helpful. I don’t want to give up the expectation that my family members will keep living and breathing. I don’t want to succumb to accepting that being single in my hometown, devoid of the kind of music and art that stokes the embers of my soul, will forever be my lot in life.
My friend and occasional life coach Dave Robinson guided me to a new mantra recently that goes something like this: “I am content with who I am, and where I am, while also knowing that I’m not fucking staying here.” Life comes with hardships. This is undeniable, and I pray you will experience only the minimal effective dose that is going to craft you into the beautifully strong person you are becoming. However, some real earth shattering hardships are simply a part of the human experience. We only exist because we are descendants of an unbroken chain of survivors. Our ancestors have survived unspeakable tragedies. Natural disasters, genocide, famine, religious conquest… you name it, it’s happened. And in spite of all this, we remain. Humans have some of the craziest drive imaginable to press onwards to better days, and I believe wholeheartedly that you will overcome the storms that come your way with time and more importantly, hard emotional work.
NOW, knowing that these things will happen or may have already happened, what would your life need to look like to make it still worth living? This isn’t a morbid declaration, but a call to action. Given all the shit that’s already happened that you can’t change, what would your life look like if you could really design it the way you wanted with no compromises? An extremely helpful exercise for me was writing a journal entry for today’s date 1 year in the future, and then 3 years in the future. I can’t encourage you enough to try it for yourself. On these future dates, where did you wake up? Who did you wake up with? What job are you doing and for what company, if not your own business venture? Who did you eat dinner with? What did you do with your free time? Allow yourself to soak in the emotion of how this hypothetical day makes you feel. Now, what are the first steps to make this day a reality? Write down the first actionable items that will allow you to walk with hope towards this future, a future where you won’t have to conjure these feelings in the recesses of your imagination, but instead allow them to rain down on you as they overflow from the very real life you have created for yourself. As they say, if you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time. So aim for what will make you happy. Truly fucking happy. Don’t aim at what you think you’re supposed to want. Aim at the life that you actually want and can’t wait to wake up in.
Dream big. Don’t settle. Keep going.
